tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31570290934620745952024-03-13T07:48:24.285-07:00Enough of the scenic route alreadyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-42819720858001490932013-11-01T02:35:00.000-07:002013-11-03T05:47:50.670-08:00What day is it?<span style="font-family: Verdana;">To be updated at some point soon.....</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-53417444952708697362013-10-30T14:37:00.002-07:002013-10-30T14:37:48.772-07:00Day 8 - Who stole my day?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cor, where has today gone! It's almost bedtime and I don't feel like I've sat down, so, today is very brief.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Food:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Cookies & Cream shake</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Chicken Soup</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Dark chocolate truffa bar (old smaller size)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Cheesy pasta with swede cubes and wafer thin chicken</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">661 calories</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Oh, and I lost 11.5lb in week one. Wicked :)</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-78942074346684598922013-10-29T11:56:00.001-07:002013-10-29T14:42:01.484-07:00Day 7 - a day of nervous pondering<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Been a stressful funny sort of day. Had a couple of tough work things to do today, but thought them through in advance with the benefit of my new small amount of knowledge of nlp, and whilst they were still pretty tough, I feel like I handled them a great deal better than I have done before. However, I need to note that stress and a subsequent focus on the job in hand means I forgot to eat! It was gone half 11 when I got to wondering why I felt a bit wobbly - then I realised I'd not had anything! Oops, that's not so great.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">As a consequence I've felt a bit wobbly all day, probably more psychological than physical, but I succumbed to a little cheese when I got home. Pleased I did this in a measured way - 35g and straight on the food planner :). Tomorrow morning is weigh in - eek! I really want to beat my week 1 from last year (I know, I'm repeating myself!) - it means a lot.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I am able now to recognise that I need to take my time to make decisions, and I'll reach the end of that process when I'm good and ready. Had a weird thing happen today, it might be a marketing scam, if it is, then it's a darn good one - on a day I really needed something just like this - I got an email telling me somebody loves me, and wants me to follow an online adventure for 5 days before revealing who they are! Intriguing to say the least. Perhaps it's just because of where I am today, on another given day perhaps I would have marked it straight as spam. Who can say, today it made me smile, and there's nothing wrong with smiling more :)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Evening update to log food - what an amazing couple of hours I've just had! Something really very exciting indeed may be happening to assist my weight loss journey. Can't say much just now but I am uber excited about it! Guess the day wasn't so bad after all, I feel like I've been sprinkled with glitter :).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, todays food:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Vanilla Shake (is this all starting to sound very familiar yet...)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Chicken soup</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Cheesy pasta with swede cubes</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Strawberry shake</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">35g cheddar </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">723 calories</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I should just add - I have an awful lot of products in my cupboard, mainly bought when I was planning to maintain so I bought lots of the same of my favs - I've told myself I'll do a month on these before I go buying any more, so it's going to be a very boring list for a little while longer I'm afraid.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-45823950976474052002013-10-28T11:02:00.000-07:002013-10-28T23:07:39.335-07:00Day 6 - All is well with the world<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I spent most of yesterday doing my studying, sent off an assignment for my weight consultancy course, and caught up on some much needed work on the NLP course I've signed up to. I wonder if it's going to be the key. I'm only on the introduction to NLP, have yet to start the practitioners course and it's fabulous, it makes so much sense and has so many practical applications in all area's of life. I read a little quote the other day that fits well with the NLP - always seek to be a little bit kinder than is necessary. The thing that struck me yesterday about the NLP is about how we view others - in a nutshell our brains get bombarded with so much information that it's impossible to process everything, so in order to "see" another person (as in what you think of them) - you have to have that particular "thing" in you in order to recognise it. Makes sense to me and is perhaps a good time to reflect on why I think bad of some others sometimes - ok, quite often I guess - and that's me owning that information (another part of NLP!).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, how does this apply to following a vlcd? I think it does in many ways so far, and probably many more to come as I continue my study. Not least of which is how I've previously reacted to my perception of other peoples posts - maybe we are too similar and can see those not so nice things reflected from ourselves and seek to be (naturally) defensive of our own position... anyhow, another old quote comes into play here "if you don't have anything nice to say... etc" - all food for thought if you'll pardon the pun. NLP talks about responsibility and excuses - do you have things done to you or do you do things. It made me really realise, and I say really realise as I already know this, but before it feels as though I recognised the package it came in, but now I've opened it up to see exactly what is inside - that I, and only I am responsible for making the decisions about what goes in my mouth and in how great a quantity.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Which is great news! Because I am therefore 100% able to make all future decisions about what goes in my mouth. Will I offend someone if I don't accept their piece of cake? It's unlikely, but if they are, then do I really want to be accepting a piece of cake from someone who is so easily offended? Another quote - and one of my absolute favourites - "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission" - Eleanor Roosevelt. That says so much, and I think now that I really know what that means. My decisions are made by me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And so, back to the vlcd. I only realised this evening when I got home that today I've not had any coke zero, not only that, I didn't even think about it, not only that, I even went to the shop for a bottle of water and didn't even think about it. Go me!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I think we actually might be making some decent progress. I think I should give myself a little smile :)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And then...... after a really great day does a wacking great mackerel come and smack you right across the face, just when you were least expecting it. Nothing diet related, a personal thing, but it's entirely possible it was a terminal mackerel and it's also entirely possible that I'm ok with that too. Of course I may still be more than a little bit annoyed/let down/disappointed/really very angry... we'll see, some time is required here at the very least I think.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Todays food - </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Vanilla shake</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Chicken soup</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Cheesy pasta with swede cubes and leek</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Cookies and cream shake</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">591 calories.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-83139724322945002432013-10-27T13:43:00.000-07:002013-10-27T13:43:30.354-07:00Day 5 - Sunday - Danger Point!<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I planned for today to be over on calories, I planned to have more food today. I did this because Sundays have proved to be my downfall. I'm usually on my own after dropping Andrew off to go home in the morning, so maybe it's boredom or cause I'm a bit down or just because I'm greedy and I'm looking for an excuse. Being on my own can't really be the issue, cause I'm on my own Monday to Thursday til her turns up again on Friday evenings. Guess I'm just a greedy pig.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Anyhow, to break this and take charge, I decided today could be extra calories, or at least extra volume of lower calories, but within the carb limit, and not too far over calories cause I'm doing great so far. So this is how it went... Breakfast was an oatmeal pack, all fine and dandy. Then I had a notion to have swede cubes with a processed cheese slice melted over the top of them. It was ok, nothing to get excited about, and to be absolutely truthful, a waste of calories!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Decided tea would be swede cubes again (they are my saviour veg!) with leeks - did them both together in the actifry, gave pretty good results. Then a 70g pack of honey roast ham and 45g of grated cheddar. All this with a cheesy pasta pack. It was too much. Way too much. But, as a lesson to learn, I ate it all, and felt bloated and sick and bleugh.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, it's not far from 9pm, I've had 2 packs and all that other guff and have had 592 calories. I will have a shake in a mo too - so that'll be taking me over 700 for today.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">In comparison to my "regular" days intake - tiny. On a VLCD - a waste of way too many calories that could have been had on something nicer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">2 more full days to go then it's week one weigh in. My aim right now - to do better than I did on my very first week ever on a VLCD - so I need 11.5lb to top that - BIG ask!</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-15831527588456611712013-10-26T00:42:00.001-07:002013-10-27T01:05:21.888-07:00Only day 4?A strange thing has happened, I was absolutely sure I had started back on 100% on Tuesday, so today is a decent way through the week, my progress downwards on the scales (I know, I know, one obsession at a time!) is pleasing. Then I logged yesterday's packs on mfp and was looking back over the week so far - only to find nothing logged for Tuesday - a check on here, and indeed, I only started Wednesday - wow! I even told Andrew last night I'd been on since Tuesday, perhaps I have keto brain! I was shocking him by telling him his pizza last night contained 2 full days of calories for me on this plan.<div><br></div><div>I am focused and motivated and on it. Long may it continue!</div><div><br></div><div>Cookies and cream shake</div><div>Cottage pie</div><div>Cheesy pasta with 200g of diced swede/mushroom/leeks and 30g grated mozzarella </div><div><br></div><div>576 calories :)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-77961535998171377952013-10-24T23:04:00.001-07:002013-10-26T00:33:31.191-07:00Day 3 - Early start to a long day<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A funny thing has happened. I looked in the fridge this morning as I was getting my water out and thought that I should throw away the eggs and bacon in there (from last weekends low carbing). I had planned for this weekend to also be low carb rather than vlcd but this morning I don't want to do that. This is cracking - three days of thinking like this! It's right back at the beginning once again and long may it last.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Without wishing to pre-empt anything, as this is only day 3 after all - a sneaky peak on the scales would suggest ketosis has arrived and I know I've dumped an awful lot of water. As much as I am really trying not to be judged by my scales, it still seems that their approval is still very much needed in my life.</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Seems I've wooshed into the zone, need to tie myself down right here to make sure I don't just woosh straight back out again. Things to keep me here - 224 days to holiday! Lol, I'm more than a little excited about it, normally we book really close to going, so there isn't that anticipation and build up, and even though we know we are going in, say, July, it's not the same as having the flights and everything already booked. Next year we're being joined by friends - so far 6 of us, maybe more to come. Can't wait! And for that - I am NOT going to feel like I'm busting out of my beachwear! I intend to hit my target ready for Christmas, which gives me 6 months to work on the fitness and toning (and to allow for a couple of months where I'll just be sitting on my bottom if I get to have this op). Ooh! We have a plan coming together!</span><br>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><div>Caramel shake </div><div>Chicken soup</div><div>Mushroom pasta with diced swede and mushrooms</div><div>New raspberry shake</div><div><br></div><div>Total calories 578</div><div><br></div><div>:)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-83263530636198335952013-10-24T14:03:00.001-07:002013-10-24T14:03:03.833-07:00Day 2 - Hyperdrive already!<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ah wonderful - blogger is working again. Could only manage the title earlier on and nothing else. Probably a darn good thing as it would have been a very long one with that old hyperdrive thing going on I think. Anyhow, we're at the end of day 2, I still have a pack to go, I feel like I've had loads as I did extra swede cubes this evening (forgot the weight is very different raw to cooked, yesterday I weighed 200g raw weight, so today I just finished the packet!).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I'm still as excited as I was yesterday, so that's two full days on the trot of feeling as determined as I did right back at the beginning. I want to bottle it and rub it all over me again if it starts to waiver. I did even have a thought tonight that it would be so much easier just to eat whatever it is I want to eat, but this is about so much more than just my weight and what I look like. It's also about what I feel like - physically - and I feel so much better with a low level of carbs. I'm really struggling with my gynae stuff at the moment (seeing the consultant in a little under 3 weeks) and pretty sure I have adhesions interfering with my sciatic nerve. The pain down my left leg goes through to my ankle on some days and at best is mightily uncomfortable. It's a whole lot worse when I eat bread, so it's plain and simple really isn't it?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I've started up a countdown to Christmas weight loss challenge at work. I was asked to do it by a few people, and it's a great focus and good practice for me to get back to my studies that I've been neglecting since my holiday. It makes me very proud to be able to give dieting advice to others, and when I stop to consider that a year ago I was so big, it really means a great deal that others look to me to seek that advice. It's a huge buzz and a privilege.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, todays food - no imagination here - same as yesterday but with an extra 13 calories of swede!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Actually... think I'll do a cold shake before bed rather than a hot chocolate today, ring the changes and all that...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Cookies & Cream Shake x 2</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Chicken soup</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Cheesy pasta & swede cubes</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">610 calories :)</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-33705698518800802192013-10-23T09:49:00.000-07:002013-10-23T09:49:30.888-07:00Day 1 - Second time around<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Been messing about for long enough, in keto, out of keto, in keto, out of keto. Been a stressful time all around with the rest of my life and I've allowed it once again to become the focus rather than accepting that life will always bring stress, and really it's the reaction to that stress that could probably be worked on. Tried half heartedly to follow different things over the summer, but had an epiphany last night, lots of things fell into place and it just seemed the right time to get on with it. I fully intend to have reached my target and followed the re-feed before Christmas is upon us. What's different I don't quite know, other than to say that it feels different, it feels like the focus I had just over a year ago when I started this journey.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Some things I need to accept, and this has been difficult. I am considerably lighter than I was a year ago, and considerably smaller. I have a way to go, but it's not a great big huge long way to go. I am comfortable in 5 sizes smaller than I was. That is some achievement. I need to acknowledge that and allow myself to be proud of how far I've come. It's really hard to do so, cause my head doesn't feel a bit of difference to when I was at my biggest. Weird that, I can see the difference, it's so much its entirely obvious, but I can't feel the difference. Wonder if I ever will. Perhaps I just need to accept where I'm at and get on with the rest!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I'm scared to death that tomorrow I'll not be bothered again, but then again I owe this present to myself and it's not one I can ask anyone else for. I need somewhere to log my daily intake after tracking, to make me somewhat accountable for that. So, sorry, little bit different from before, there will be a list of packs each day, and perhaps nothing more on some days, but we'll see how it goes. I've weighed in this morning, and may weigh in each week, not sure yet, the weight thing isn't all that important - it's how I look and how my clothes fit me that means so much more - so the task here is to get into a pair of jeans and be able to sit comfortably in them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Todays packs:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Vanilla shake</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Chicken soup</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Cheesy pasta (with 200g diced swede)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Chocolate shake</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Total of 586 calories :)</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-25952905733397126612013-09-01T21:57:00.002-07:002013-09-01T21:57:59.788-07:00Day 8 - Monday - what to do?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Got up all bright and breezy and ready to go. Then considered I'd done 3 days, perhaps today should be a shred rest day. Also considering from a 5:2 perspective that I may do a fast day today. I think fast days will be 500 calorie fast days rather than nothing at all, that might be a bit too far for me - however, for a 24 hour fast, I've already done 11 hours since food, so perhaps it is doable - we'll see. I've put far too much pressure on myself in the past about what to eat and what not to eat, then just feel even guiltier when I "can't manage it" - I know now that it's not a case of that at all, it should just not be a big deal. It may feel incredibly liberating to do the 24 hours, I'm not sure. Perhaps I should plan a bit better for doing that, not just do it on a whim, and eat my "evening" meal the previous day a little bit earlier, say 4.30pm, then I can get home from work and tuck straight in!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And, I've just noticed, I'm typing this with amazing posture! Small things, but that's a good one, my back and core are getting stronger :)</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-41393267243977863592013-09-01T07:22:00.002-07:002013-09-01T13:12:12.846-07:00Day 7 already...<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Seems I've had a lot of page views today. I've no idea who my audience is, guess that's the mystery of blogging! Anyhow, having looked at todays very long and rambling post, it was a bit of a random waffle that went on far too long really!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, given I don't know who's reading this, and what you may or may not take from it, I pressed delete. Something has changed today, and somehow putting down how I feel about things and then not knowing who is reading it just doesn't sit very comfortably any more. Think I'll stick to more fact based stuff for the time being :)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Today was day 7 of the shred, I've had my rest day on day 4, so I've done level 1 6 times. I feel one heck of a difference in my strength and stamina already, which has surprised me a great deal. I've made some excellent choices for my future today too, and are feeling happy and confident I'm doing the right things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">That's it, enough said. Back soon :) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-49804182156044145672013-08-27T22:27:00.001-07:002013-08-27T22:27:46.180-07:00Challenge Day 3Ouch!<div><br></div><div>Woken this morning a little stiff but not anywhere near what I expected, got straight onto day 3 and really made an effort with the ab work, I've always struggled to engage my abs since having a huge dermoid cyst removed when I was 20, as the scar goes all the way down my rum from belly button to nunny, cutting my abs in half. So today I really focused. Now it's just 10 minutes later and I'm showered and in pain! Oooooh, those abs are hurting. I shall just keep thinking bikini, and the decreasing amount of belly bounce when I'm doing the jumping jacks.</div><div><br></div><div>I feel a little bit proud this morning, I just about kept up, and already on day 3 can feel a difference in my stamina. Expect I may feel differently once I've attempted the stairs!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-20670938038415978252013-08-26T23:12:00.001-07:002013-08-27T13:51:40.153-07:00Challenge Day 2<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just a quickie for this morning, will write more later. Woke begrudgingly this morning and hit snooze, not very often at all I do that, the night seemed to go by very quickly. Guess that's what happens when you actually sleep through it! Had a bit of a battle with my rebellious child not wanting to do the shred this morning, even arguing with me that I could still do some exercise, just not that PLEASE. Lol, I did it anyway. When I woke my quads felt a bit tight, my pecs a little sore, but otherwise all ok. I did the shred and it was tough, my left knee squealed a bit, which is the point I would normally pack it in. I didn't, I worked through it and modified for a minute til it eased then carried on.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Small things, but I feel super proud :). 28 more mornings to have this same battle I guess before GI Jane emerges all buff and shiny :)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Oh my! Talk about not getting it! Of course, I did all that exercise yesterday and again this morning without leaving the flat, and the nature of a flat - it's flat. In order to get to work this morning I had to go down my regular two flights of stairs. And there we go - BAM! - pain! Clearly walking on a flat surface is easy peasy, actually needing to use some muscles to go up and down stairs - virtually impossible. So I didn't get away with it after all. Sitting down has hurt all day long, going for a pee - ouchy, loo's just a little bit too low and no handles to hang on to (not that they would have been very helpful with my screaming pecs too!). And I've been like a furnace all day, after a year of no exercise it feels like I've really stoked the fire and revved it up to mid-winter, I've been boiling hot all day long. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">All of that is great news really, pain means I'm doing it right apparently, and I definitely need to be ramping up the fuel burning cause there is a little too much going in at the moment. I'm aware of it, but also aware how my head works and I'm not giving it the excuse of not eating enough and feeling faint when I exercise just so I can pack it in, so it's getting what it wants for the time being, I'll cut back again when my stamina improves - Jillian reckons I should feel amazingly different by next week - we'll see. Either I'll be heading rapidly towards GI Jane, or I'll be exercising my finger in turning the dvd on while I lay immobile on the sofa :). Tired now, not 10pm yet, need some sleep. So totally hope I'm not terribly stiff in the morning, want to do it all again. In fact, I could do it now - but I won't!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-12578156715909207572013-08-26T01:12:00.001-07:002013-08-26T13:00:55.272-07:00Challenge Day 1<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's bank holiday Monday and I'm all set. In fact I'm itching to get started. But first things first, it is a bank holiday and I do live in a flat, wouldn't be the best neighbourly thing to do to start stomping around on the second floor at this early hour. So, time for some more prep. Yesterday I put the jeans on I want to fit properly. When they do, they will be my measure - I'm really not fussed what the scales say, how I look and feel is far more important. I know right now from eating carbs I feel terrible, and I know from the extra few pounds I've gained that I look puffy too and my clothes are feeling tight. So, that's a much better measure for me I think. They are a Primark size 14 and right now I can get them on, I can't sit down in them and I can barely breathe, but they go on and do up. Andrew took some pictures of me in them yesterday - they are now on my fridge under my 30 day challenge chart ready to colour in!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">All that said, I have lost a little focus on where I've come from, sometimes I just need to remember that - it's less than a year, 11 months to be a bit more precise, since I was squeezing myself into a skirt that I can now pitch and sleep under, I've tried it on again this morning just to remind myself, and I've also taken my measurements this morning - I have a Rosemary Conley magic measure with my original measurements on, in a moment I'm going to compare and hopefully be all inspired and proud all over again....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Are we ready... under bust today is 35", originally it was 46". Gosh! I've lost almost a foot off my boobs! Waist today is 36", originally 47" so 11 inches gone. Wow! Even my thighs have shrunk by nearly 6 inches each, 3 inches off my arms. Wow, again, sometimes it's very powerful to forget that and be so surprised with that reminder. I'll plot all these stats on a spreadsheet, wonder if I can do a graph in human shape, a pie chart doesn't really seem appropriate ;)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">In total, this morning, I am 65 inches smaller than I was when I started. I will have to use that word again - WOW - I am inspired. Funny how our heads work though isn't it, a year ago I could just about squeeze myself into a stretchy size 22 from Primark, and now I'm fitting into their size 14 jeans. I should add that I'm not particularly aspiring to be a Primark model or anything, it was just a little thing I had when I was bigger that if I could fit into Primark I could have a new wardrobe every week! I also squeezed into a Monsoon 22, I could probably afford a new wardrobe with them every decade, and to be honest, the Primark clothes would probably last longer. But my head forgets all that, even though I know it, I still feel fat and bloated and a long way from target. Which is why, I think, that my target should be that pair of jeans. When I can wear those with comfort, without a muffin top, and can sit down, kneel down in them, then I will be there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So what's the plan - exercise. I suspect I may overdo it today and then not do anything tomorrow, but I really need to do a little something every day. I am going to attempt Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, I have no idea if I'll be able to keep up with it, my current fitness is pretty shocking, but it's got to be worth a shot, I have got to be worth that shot. It's only half an hour a day, surely I can spare that for a new shape by my holiday? I also have the cross trainer, and the vibroplate, my wii with zumba and several different dance games as well as wii sports - I should do boxing each day, it's a great stress reliever aside from the fitness benefits. So, lets see how it goes. Food wise - I'll just suck it and see, I'll feed myself enough for the exercise and make my main meals wholesome and nutritious. Aside from that - well, no pressure, I don't want feeling faint or hungry to be an excuse for not doing a days exercise, but I won't be overeating on the wrong stuff cause I know how bad that makes me feel.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Eek! Here we go! Wish me luck. I'm almost 42, the best exercise I was good at in my school years was finding a place to hide with a packet of crisps til the cross country route came back round again and I could join the back. I'm not a natural athlete hahahaha, couldn't be further from that, I've never been fit, so this could be the start of something quite remarkable!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">**Evening update** Well, it's just occurred to me - 65 inches is 5'5" - I've lost as many inches round as I am tall. That's just bonkers! I did day one of the shred, I even managed to keep up for most of it, I was a little slow getting up off the floor on occasion, but did most of the jumping jacks without any accidental damage either. Gosh it was tough, I didn't use handweights for this first go but still I could barely lift my arms afterwards! Got the bug though, and did 10 minutes on the vibroplate later on, light toning exercises on level 7. Then I did 20 minutes zumba on the wii. I feel great. I expect tomorrow I'll feel dreadful! My plan is to do something before work, cause then I will have done it, and if I don't do anything else all day, at least I'll have done something! Probably it'll be the shred, not sure what to do though, will have to check it out - do I just keep on doing level one til I'm ready to move up? Should it be 10 days on each level? Think I'll have to go google :)</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-36818018676076767292013-08-25T15:02:00.001-07:002013-08-25T15:02:45.026-07:0030 day challenge to sit down in my jeansI have a plan, I know, I've had these plans before then life goes and gets in the way. I'm not sure I should look at it like that, or whether life is just a great excuse for a binge every now and again. I certainly feel like a very different person to a year ago, and I certainly feel like I know much more about myself and my food relationships than I did then, but I'm starting to wonder when the time will come when I've done enough research! I know I'm an emotional eater, I know I crave carbs even when they make me ill, I've researched all that very thoroughly indeed. I've been thinking for a while about doing something different, seeing what it's like, what else am I actually capable of - cause I never believed I was capable of this level of weight loss. And in the grand scheme of things I've pretty much maintained the loss I got to (I have added a good few pounds on top of the keto gain, but overall I've not put on anything like I have in the past). So what can I do different? <div><br></div><div>Exercise. I've always hated it, always avoided it as much as I could. But I wonder if I could do it now. I'm going to give it a go. I can do S&S when the weather is cooler, I do it last year through to Christmas and did it very well indeed, and so I will go back to do 100% when I return from holiday (yes, another holiday, yes, another holiday to Içmeler), and until then I am going to tone. Gillian Micheals will be my new guru, and I've found a new wii dance game I didn't even know I had. Add to this the cross trainer and vibroplate and I should be well on the way to buff by the end of September. I need to remember that I bloat terribly on the heat, so I need all these clothes to be a bit on the big side to allow for that :)</div><div><br></div><div>Right, best go get some beauty sleep, I'm needing plenty ;)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-70980245080691507662013-08-14T12:36:00.001-07:002013-08-14T12:36:24.104-07:00Guess what I just realised!This is nuts. A thought entered my head today and then blossomed like a sunrise, entirely illuminating everything in a slow beautiful all consuming way. I have no idea where it came from, or if I've had it before and ignored it, but it's so simple and so incredibly life changing too.<div><br></div><div>It's ok to eat.</div><div><br></div><div>There you go, it's as straightforward as that. It's ok to eat. I am an adult, I make my own choices, and if want to eat something, then it's absolutely fine for me to do that. I really needed to give myself that permission, to lose the naughty or rebellious child desire to stuff as much food in as possible before getting caught and being in trouble, to stop the guilt of overeating. I know, in full and graphic detail, where my food choices lead - choose carb heavy and my body feels poisoned, choose less carbs and it starts to wake up again. Surely I can trust myself to choose in the full knowledge of what happens afterwards?</div><div><br></div><div>The short and long is, I don't like this bloat, I don't like how I feel, I don't like the pain and the discomfort, I feel dreadful. I feel better if I eat less, if I choose lighter carb options. I feel better without the bloat.</div><div><br></div><div>So there we are, I have a choice, and I choose to make my own decisions with my own free will, without guilt and with full understanding of what happens next...</div><div><br></div><div>(And what happens next is I stick with my plan to be back with vlcd by mid October)</div><div><br></div><div>:)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-50166535203153232082013-08-12T09:38:00.001-07:002013-08-12T09:38:18.242-07:00Creating headspace to learn fromI had my little break. Still having from the S&S pages. Spent a lot of time thinking things through and wondering why I was so affected by the negatives thoughts and opinions of people that really don't matter to me. I've concluded that its because of the bullying behaviour, took me right back to all those years of putting up and shutting up and not being able to stand up and fight. With hindsight it's easy enough to spot a bully - or perhaps they should be referred to by their new cyber identity of being trolls. Nice when others are looking, but digging away with snidey remarks waiting for an explosive reaction, then going back to their poor me, it's not me it's them sympathy card. Bullies the world over play the same pattern regardless of the media they use. And people like me get sucked in each time, and are far more affected than we should be.<div><br></div><div>I now intend to look upon those people with a view of sympathy. A view that considers their own low self esteem that can only be increased by making others feel worse than they do about themselves. These are the ones in most need of the support of others I think. I've had a really hideous week, it's been so bad in all areas because of how I let this affect me, and I'm not prepared to let that happen again just to make someone else feel good. I have however, been able to conduct an intense experiment into the effects of carbs and stress on my body, I've really taken that to the outer limits and beyond! In the last few days of over eating I've called upon Dr Beck and considered carefully how I feel after eating my foods of choice in the quantities I have chosen. The answer is quite simply - shocking. I wonder how many times I am going to conduct this particular experiment before I'm convinced of the findings. Carbs make me feel like garbage. I am lethargic but can't sleep a full night, I have bags under my eyes, my skin is dull, my hair brittle. My knees hurt all the time, so do my wrists, I have trigger finger throughout the day, I have spots and dry patches side by side, my skin itches. I have painful bloat by the afternoon every day and feel sick when I eat. But worst of all - burning awful painful heartburn, not had that at all since starting S&S. oh, I also have excema back on my hands. I had none of this with low carbing.</div><div><br></div><div>So, what is the way forward? I still want to lose this extra stone, but I think the time is not right for a vlcd right now. I need to know that I can have control with regular food, and I need to stop this emotional cycle of poisoning myself with carb heavy crap. Is important I think to feel substance for now and to get a handle on snacking, so I've bought food I need to cook, proper meals, lower the snacks and work back from there when I am confident I'm under control. If Andrew doesn't get the Russia job, we're going to have a late week in Içmeler at the beginning of October, so my aim is to return to vlcd after that and get this last daft hanging around where it's not wanted stone done and dusted by Christmas. So, lets get to it, chargrilled veg and hunters chicken on the way :)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-48057245253837219832013-08-05T13:12:00.001-07:002013-08-05T13:12:20.351-07:00Entirely disillusioned with my fellow humansWell, what can I say. Time after time I seem able to see only the best in people to then be let down. So very sad, but probably very naive of me to think that just because someone has caught the same bus I'm on, that they share the same destination as me. Or that they chose to get on that bus for the same reasons as me. <div><br></div><div>I've decided tonight to withdraw my entry from the S&S competition, it's already turned into a back biting fight by people confusing opinion with fact. There are some folk out there that could do to spend an hour in the shoes of someone else, and go shopping in them to the compassion store to stock up in bulk. I guess it's just a reflection of life, but it's been a shock to me how awfully (and I do mean awfully, not just as a posher very) competitive some people are, and how many others don't understand just what a huge thing going public with their very personal journey is for some. The me me me has saddened me.</div><div><br></div><div>I think this may be my last blog for a while, and I think it's time for a break from those people.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-5589528555544715402013-07-31T22:38:00.001-07:002013-07-31T22:38:32.129-07:00Let the voting commence (and blessed greetings for Lammas Day) (and eh
up lass for Yorkshire Day)1st August. I think I knew 4 years ago that 1st August would be a significant day, it was the day I decided to have two tiny hearts tattooed on the inside of my wrist. It's Yorkshire Day, the county of my birth and where I've lived for much of my life, and it's Lammas Day too - the Pagan festival to worship the nature Gods and hope for a good harvest. It would be normal to make an offering of bread and wine today - I shall have to consider a ketogenic vlc alternative!<div><br></div><div>But, for this year, 2013, 1st August has a whole other huge massive scary smiley jump up and down with joy so very nervous rambling a bit now significance. It's the day my weight loss story (along with 33 other brave souls) goes live to the very big worldwide platform that is Facebook. Me, overweight Nicola, failed dieter Nicola, yes I'm trying another wacky eating plan Nicola, is telling the world how bloody proud I am of what I've achieved with Slim & Save. With pictures too! I am so excited, and so nervous. It's a competition, and 3 of us will win an iPad. But it's so not about that - I'm not just saying that now cause I won't win, preparing my oh well they deserved it more face - genuinely this is so much bigger and so much more significant than winning an iPad. This is telling the whole world that I have successfully lost weight, that I have achieved such a massive thing for me (no pun intended!). This is really the start of my new life, one where I value my achievements in all things, one where I am comfortable with me. One where I can stand up and do karaoke and not care a stuff if I'm out of tune cause I'll just be having a good time, one where I can just pull a face if someone points a camera my way instead of getting the angle right to minimise chins/arms/suck stomach in etc.</div><div><br></div><div>Right now I could cry, with excitement I think, but nervousness too, and more than a little anticipation. Gosh it's so strange! So, lets raise a glass of Coke Zero to all of us who have changed our life's with S&S, the ones who have entered this time round - and most of all, the ones who didn't quite feel ready to go public just yet. Nothing would give me a warmer feeling than knowing that reading my story has helped someone else feel a little bit prouder of what they've done too. Apart from peeing in a wetsuit, that gives a warm feeling I'm told, and now I can get in a wetsuit I wonder if I'll ever get the urge to try that out ;)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-27590123144463992042013-07-30T22:05:00.001-07:002013-07-30T22:06:38.991-07:00Day 6 of Simplicity - kind of....Didn't make it back to update on Monday. I did the packs, think I did 4, but Monday seems like such a blur already. Monday turned into probably one of the very worst days of my life. I don't think the details are ready for blogging, don't know if that is "yet" or "ever" but my life as I know it has changed. Anyway, this isn't supposed to be about other stuff, this is about my weight loss journey so it's probably best to stick with that and just say that my previous me (and my recent me) would have looked for help deep in the carb cupboard. I didn't do that. I stuck to the plan. And in the midst of all this going on around me I have made probably the most enormous step forward in my whole entire life.<div><br></div><div>Ok, all that sounds very deep, and I guess without the exact context of the circumstances it could be a little dramatic, but lets just keep the faith that I might just have cracked the emotional response trigger! I'm wondering when to do the official weigh in, I've always done Thursday morning as a rule, but I started my pack challenge on Friday, ooh the decisions I'm faced with lol. I do know its Wednesday (progress there then!) and I'm already showing a significant difference on the scales. I can't pretend to be surprised on weigh day really, I am a daily weigher and then some. Don't see a huge issue with that really, I'm not looking for approval from that little patch of bathroom floor, instead I am genuinely curious about the daily fluctuations of my weight, and all that is particularly ok now my goal is not about what those scales say. And, if you are stuck in being a slave to the harsh word of the bathroom scale, try going before and then immediately after a significant "sit down" to lighten the mood and laugh at the daftness of it all!</div><div><br></div><div>So, back to today, I'm up fairly early again, got stuff to be getting on with, long day at work. Will take my extra packs with me so I can have them rather than be tempted elsewhere and will be back home in 12 hours or so. Two day target now - stick with the plan, it's going great. Wearing my Next shift dress today - already it fits marvellously. Can't bottle that :)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-80404752308810777352013-07-28T23:17:00.001-07:002013-07-28T23:17:10.509-07:00The start of a new weekI survived the weekend, in the flat by myself with a decent degree of temptation here, but I ignored it. My target was to to complete 3 days just with packs. I did that in the main - added some wafer thin ham and grated Parmesan to cheesy pasta twice, but overall I'm fairly pleased that that is a good result. It's been months since I did any number of days just on packs. So, I need another target:<div><br></div><div>Get through Monday on a max of 5 packs with added protein tonight. </div><div><br></div><div>That sounds quite generous but I have noted that I have more triggers at work. At home I can control the environment, I can put Andrews food out of sight and not have tempting things here. At work I can't have that amount of control. I am surrounded by skinniest who munch all day long on garbage - doesn't seem fair does it, but I bet their cholesterol is higher than mine! So, generous but still on plan progress target.</div><div><br></div><div>Will return later to report in... :)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-90823588875946599232013-07-28T01:29:00.003-07:002013-07-28T01:29:35.969-07:00Another post already? You only did one yesterday.<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Woke this morning full of beans. Metaphorically speaking of course as beans are loaded with carbs. Actually I didn't wake full of beans, my kitten did, and some of that has rubbed off on me. Or more likely it's been scratched into the surface of my skin all over my entire body. She's a kitten, a tiny one at that, and is absolutely the bounciest little creature I've ever come across.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">This is relevant - put the kettle on, I'll get to it...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Molly has lived in her new forever home for 3 weeks. She was a very small 8 week old when she arrived, very loving and quite serene, purred a lot and loved cuddles. So, on the surface she seemed to be a happy little kitten. The morning after she arrived it was abundantly obvious that she wasn't very well, her eyes and nose were snotty and she spent the morning sneezing. She was still all those other things I'd seen on Friday night when she arrived though. By Monday I had her to the vets, cat flu was suspected, and a course of antibiotics and eye drops was prescribed. Now, I'm not kidding you, within half an hour she was an entirely different kitten. She was a bundle of bouncing happiness, and she's got bouncier and bouncier every single day. So, I guess from Molly, it can be learnt that an outside appearance can give a misleading impression of how one actually feels inside. She must have been feeling dreadful, but in her short life she didn't know she could feel any better, so made the most of what her life was and just got on with it the best she could. I have two other cats, and anyone who has cats will know it takes a little time for a newbie to be accepted - Molly was such a hurricane of energy that it took her a couple of weeks to not be hissed at. The moment my old Taz allowed her to sit next to him - honestly, the joy was oozing out of her, she was so happy! It was a moment for me that brought home how every single creature is capable of emotion, and to see such happiness in a tiny kitten was quite something.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Which brings me back to my own journey. One of the difficult parts of it I think, is the difference I feel in myself and about myself. I've been this relatively happy person for a long time, on the outside anyhow, but now I feel that on the inside too and I'm bouncier than I ever was. That must be a bit strange to see. People who have been in my life for a very long time must find it a bit odd to see and hear this person - the voice is the same and she looks a bit like she used to, but gosh, she looks very different and she bounces in a totally different way! It's my journey through my choice, but it's also a journey that I've enforced on those around me. I didn't discuss this with them before I started (my OH excepted, we did talk at length about going on a vlcd), I just enforced this change on them. That must have been quite weird for them. And, a time that I've not appreciated really. I am quick enough to say that my journey has been life changing, it has, in so many ways (I'd like it to change my career too, but I'm working on that bit!) but it's also been life changing for those around me, and I don't think I've given enough thought to that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I've taken my time to get used to the new me, my head is still catching up, and I still don't believe I'm actually not fat anymore. But what about everyone else. They can see the difference, and that's what they need to get used to, their journey of acceptance is different to mine, and it's not one of their choosing. I guess for some of them it would feel natural to be worried about it, to be concerned that we've changed so much so quickly - surely there must be something wrong with us that we can't bring ourselves to share? They may feel threatened by us, not in a violent way of course, but it may undermine the relationship dynamics, and perhaps they'll feel a little left behind if they can't match your bounce anymore.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Perhaps I should remember to bounce less at times :)</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-32118538584040797012013-07-27T02:18:00.000-07:002013-07-27T02:18:25.400-07:00It's time for something positive<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so here I am again. I really should write this more often, which I think, ironically, is the thing I've written most often on here. I've just spent an hour reading through all my postings, it was a nice reminder of how far I've come, a little teary one at times, and an embarrassing one at others. When you read through right from the start again you can tap into that original motivation, that hope and wonder of a fat girl wanting to change her life for the better. It's easy to get lost on the way, and do that human thing of focusing on all those posts about coming off plan, not giving a fig for a day or two, but really it should be about the fantastic achievement overall.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I felt more than a little sad reading about my euphoria at getting into a New Look size 16 - bless me! That seems so long ago, and that euphoria has just become something that happens instead. Why did I stop celebrating? I guess when you've had a lifetime of not achieving personal goals, maybe it feels a bit conceited to keep on celebrating - I don't know, but I do know that I should be massively proud of what I've done. I'm putting together my entry for the S&S Ipad competition this weekend and so got to looking at some old pictures once again. There is one of me and Andrew, about 2 days after we met, and I remembered one almost identical from our April holiday - put the two together and what a blooming difference! We've been together for a smidge over 3 years now, and I'm 7 stone lighter! That's nuts, what's not to celebrate about that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I have also reassessed (again!) where I want to be. I've refocused my goals at long last away from what the scales say. My goal are now about how I feel, how my clothes fit. To achieve them I need to lose some more weight, but the weight loss is the journey to achievement rather than the achievement if that makes sense. It's like learning to drive I guess, the goal is to pass your driving test, the goal isn't to have 27 driving lessons is it? So my goal is to fit comfortably into a size 14 outfit of structured material all day. That takes away the "yes it's a size 10 but it's jersey" issue out of my head, cause I can't work out that I'm not a 22 anymore cause I can actually get into a size 10, my head says it's not a 10 cause it's stretchy. So, I know I bloat up terribly over the day if I don't stay hydrated (so that's a part of the goal too) - I might be comfortable at 6am in an outfit, but by 4pm I could rip it off. My goal is that I'll feel just as comfortable at 4pm in a fabric dress with no stretch.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I've had the whole spectrum of sabotaging thoughts come back recently too, this hot weather hasn't helped much cause it's another chapter I've not used in my excuses book. Funny how it's so much hotter every time we go to Turkey and I don't need the excuses, but hot in England - bleugh, it would dangerous not to include a packet of hobnobs in your daily sustenance! The last few weeks have been a real battle with my head, probably the toughest battle yet, cause that battle is about me, not about how I've previously comforted outside circumstances with food, this has been about me and just me. Funny, it dawned on me that these few months of maintaining and trying to learn about my food issues and how to trust myself around food, my body has shrunk. That excess skin is going, I'm getting smaller. Of course, my head said I was getting bigger again, here we go again, I can't be trusted to eat food blah blah blah. Why are we always our own worst critic and so quick to judge ourselves in the worst possible light?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">But there we go, I posted that photo of me and Andrew - what an amazing reaction. It's lovely to be complimented, but most of all, it's fantastically powerful to see what you've achieved through the eyes of others. Brings it all home. Yes, I've done that. Nobody else has done that, I've done that. I am an achiever. I am smashing my goals - me, I'm doing it! Excellent! I'm also studying for my future, something I've not done for a while. I have two courses on the go - nutrition and weight consultancy, and nlp and life coaching. I'm sure it'll all be personally beneficial and help me to make more sense of my journey. My goal is to be able to do the same for others, first steps I think - to understand that for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And perhaps to take a little moment every now and again and be proud of who I am :)</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-82517371327077880962013-07-11T11:53:00.001-07:002013-07-11T11:53:37.238-07:00This is really very hard!I'm once again having that same old battle with my head. I know why, but have to wonder if it's the old demons trying to convince me to make excuses (or maybe I just think too much). My biggest issue, not sure if its a fear but its a big issue for me that I don't cope too well with - feeling dizzy. I hardly drink these days and when I do, I don't do getting drunk at all cause I can't handle the dizzy stuff. I think the fear is that I will pass out - the embarrassment factor of that in public and the very real fear of doing so terrible damage if it were to happen at home where I'm alone for the majority of the time (kitties excepted of course). I seem to get dizzy bugs often and I really don't like it!<div><br></div><div>The hot weather has arrived, my first hot weather in ketosis, I got dizzy, I blamed ketosis, I ate some crappy carbs. I still felt dizzy, but also had awful arthritis hands once again along side bloating and nasty stomach pains. Think I've managed to convinced myself that ketosis isn't the cause of dizzy. But now I'm out again and feeling like a failure again. I am unable to trust myself to be sensible with food which is pretty much the most ridiculous thing ever! But the conclusion of that really is that I should wait til autumn comes around once again, I know I can do this through winter time, I should go with that. I should use this summer period to tone, and come to terms with me. My skin is shrinking back cause I've stabilised my weight I think, but my head thinks its cause its filling up again. Been looking for a replacement denim skirt for ages as my other one is too big - found one today in Asda, decided I should get a 16 as denim tends to be small (that's an old "I'm not really this size, the sizing isn't right" thought!), so a 16 I got. It's bloody massive! So, the evidence is clearly there right before my eyes.</div><div><br></div><div>So why do I still feel so fat!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3157029093462074595.post-87684402353920661642013-06-26T14:54:00.001-07:002013-06-26T14:54:05.012-07:00It's nearly July already!Holiday all done and dusted. Had a fabulous time, and for the very first time I didn't give a fig about food (stepped in a few of them - figs - they are awfully sticky on your shoe). It was marvellous, liberating and another revelation to discover that holidays are not about food, or worrying about food, or having to eat cause its x o'clock. It was brilliant. I ate when I was hungry. I ate what I wanted, which wasn't a great deal as it turns out. I gained a hearty one pound in two weeks. <div><br></div><div>Which leads me to conclude that successful weight loss is so much more about the head than the body. I've spent many hours before, during and after this holiday giving serious consideration to becoming a consultant. It's something I have wanted to do for very many years, and now I'm thinner, it's a dream that is within my grasp. I've been a bit of a cheeky monkey and joined a Slimming World group - for research! I've signed up for 5 weeks and plan to observe the highs and lows of the psychology of the group, the dynamics and the motivation they gather from each other and the leader. I will also need to understand the plan a bit I think, to aid my cover! I can't honestly see though, how a plan that has no restriction whatsoever on the volume of some food types can have so much success, I wonder if the winning members have been secretly doing a vlcd on the side? Their magazine is just entirely dreadful, hardly a page that isn't about food, or becoming a consultant. Of course, if too many succeed on their plan they'll have no members!</div><div><br></div><div>I've been poorly sick today with a hideous AF visit, once in a while my endo really takes hold and there is just nothing I can do but let it pass, so today has been spent in hot salty baths and lying in bed. It's passing now, but it ain't half horrible! BUT this month - no carb cravings, no deviating from plan, 100% in the zone, it's time to get to this target I keep thinking about, then I can make those dreams come true :)</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17894905792231889886noreply@blogger.com0