This is really very hard!

I'm once again having that same old battle with my head. I know why, but have to wonder if it's the old demons trying to convince me to make excuses (or maybe I just think too much).  My biggest issue, not sure if its a fear but its a big issue for me that I don't cope too well with - feeling dizzy. I hardly drink these days and when I do, I don't do getting drunk at all cause I can't handle the dizzy stuff. I think the fear is that I will pass out - the embarrassment factor of that in public and the very real fear of doing so terrible damage if it were to happen at home where I'm alone for the majority of the time (kitties excepted of course).  I seem to get dizzy bugs often and I really don't like it!

The hot weather has arrived, my first hot weather in ketosis, I got dizzy, I blamed ketosis, I ate some crappy carbs.  I still felt dizzy, but also had awful arthritis hands once again along side bloating and nasty stomach pains.  Think I've managed to convinced myself that ketosis isn't the cause of dizzy. But now I'm out again and feeling like a failure again. I am unable to trust myself to be sensible with food which is pretty much the most ridiculous thing ever!  But the conclusion of that really is that I should wait til autumn comes around once again, I know I can do this through winter time, I should go with that. I should use this summer period to tone, and come to terms with me. My skin is shrinking back cause I've stabilised my weight I think, but my head thinks its cause its filling up again.  Been looking for a replacement denim skirt for ages as my other one is too big - found one today in Asda, decided I should get a 16 as denim tends to be small (that's an old "I'm not really this size, the sizing isn't right" thought!), so a 16 I got.  It's bloody massive!  So, the evidence is clearly there right before my eyes.

So why do I still feel so fat!