Woke this morning full of beans. Metaphorically speaking of course as beans are loaded with carbs. Actually I didn't wake full of beans, my kitten did, and some of that has rubbed off on me. Or more likely it's been scratched into the surface of my skin all over my entire body. She's a kitten, a tiny one at that, and is absolutely the bounciest little creature I've ever come across.
This is relevant - put the kettle on, I'll get to it...
Molly has lived in her new forever home for 3 weeks. She was a very small 8 week old when she arrived, very loving and quite serene, purred a lot and loved cuddles. So, on the surface she seemed to be a happy little kitten. The morning after she arrived it was abundantly obvious that she wasn't very well, her eyes and nose were snotty and she spent the morning sneezing. She was still all those other things I'd seen on Friday night when she arrived though. By Monday I had her to the vets, cat flu was suspected, and a course of antibiotics and eye drops was prescribed. Now, I'm not kidding you, within half an hour she was an entirely different kitten. She was a bundle of bouncing happiness, and she's got bouncier and bouncier every single day. So, I guess from Molly, it can be learnt that an outside appearance can give a misleading impression of how one actually feels inside. She must have been feeling dreadful, but in her short life she didn't know she could feel any better, so made the most of what her life was and just got on with it the best she could. I have two other cats, and anyone who has cats will know it takes a little time for a newbie to be accepted - Molly was such a hurricane of energy that it took her a couple of weeks to not be hissed at. The moment my old Taz allowed her to sit next to him - honestly, the joy was oozing out of her, she was so happy! It was a moment for me that brought home how every single creature is capable of emotion, and to see such happiness in a tiny kitten was quite something.
Which brings me back to my own journey. One of the difficult parts of it I think, is the difference I feel in myself and about myself. I've been this relatively happy person for a long time, on the outside anyhow, but now I feel that on the inside too and I'm bouncier than I ever was. That must be a bit strange to see. People who have been in my life for a very long time must find it a bit odd to see and hear this person - the voice is the same and she looks a bit like she used to, but gosh, she looks very different and she bounces in a totally different way! It's my journey through my choice, but it's also a journey that I've enforced on those around me. I didn't discuss this with them before I started (my OH excepted, we did talk at length about going on a vlcd), I just enforced this change on them. That must have been quite weird for them. And, a time that I've not appreciated really. I am quick enough to say that my journey has been life changing, it has, in so many ways (I'd like it to change my career too, but I'm working on that bit!) but it's also been life changing for those around me, and I don't think I've given enough thought to that.
I've taken my time to get used to the new me, my head is still catching up, and I still don't believe I'm actually not fat anymore. But what about everyone else. They can see the difference, and that's what they need to get used to, their journey of acceptance is different to mine, and it's not one of their choosing. I guess for some of them it would feel natural to be worried about it, to be concerned that we've changed so much so quickly - surely there must be something wrong with us that we can't bring ourselves to share? They may feel threatened by us, not in a violent way of course, but it may undermine the relationship dynamics, and perhaps they'll feel a little left behind if they can't match your bounce anymore.
Perhaps I should remember to bounce less at times :)
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