Lesson learnt

OK, lets view this in a positive light - all things experienced that can be learned from and improved upon are not things wasted.  I've allowed the excuses to start popping into my head again, in my previous post I confessed to the consumption of many calories, but of a low carb origin that has allowed me to "get away" with overeating, and not having it show on the scales.  My excuses for this - I like to call them reasons, it seems less of a cop out - so my body has chance to catch up with my weight loss and I'm not left with a saggy empty bag of skin to wander round aimlessly in.  Whilst there is some merit in that, what I've actually done is get used to cravings and desires once again.  I've fancied something to eat, I've had it.  In my fridge I have double cream.  It makes a lovely pepper sauce to have with spinach and smoked salmon.  And it's more calories in one meal than I have for the rest of the day.  And then I fancy something else.  So I have it.

And pretty soon, if I continue down this path, I'll be right back at the beginning with my food issues.  So here is where it stops.  The lesson is learnt.  Yesterday I was back to 4 packs, but even that was 4 packs with scrambled egg (with double cream).  I had a fancy for scrambled egg with spinach, and I'm very glad I did cause it was awful.  And it made me stop and think - what am I doing!  It's official weigh day tomorrow, and this morning I'd not lost a thing.  That really shouldn't happen on this plan, I should be dropping a couple of pounds as an absolute minimum.  I'm only 5lb off my next stone, I should have been doing a big push this week to get there.  Jees, I'm only 1lb of getting under the next stone and I've not done that either!  9lb off my next goal.  All of these acheivements totally doable in the next couple of weeks and I've wasted them for double cream.  Was it worth it?

No.

What its like eating too much

I need to get this down as a reminder.  Today I have over eaten.  Because I wanted to.  I've had one pack today and two wafers, along with food.  Not low cal, but all low carb.  This I know (cause I do it quite often!) will mean my "cheats" will not show on the scales - or in other words, I'm getting away with it.  I'm doing this currently under the guise of being a bit stressed out with personal circumstances (now sorted) and to slow down my losses so I don't get too much loose skin.  Right - that's my sabotaging muscle exercised for the evening.  Now time to strengthen the positives - I feel like complete garbage.

I feel sick and uncomfortable and I also feel like I must keep on eating.  It's dreadful.  I unpacked my order earlier on and was salivating like a dog!  So bad.  I need to get a grip and get back on it.  I've not read Beck for a week or so, time to get back to that I think.

Life just seems so busy...

Another huge gap between postings, I must get better at this.  Life just seems to be getting so busy now I can do some of the things I used to sit on the sofa and think about, I could do with 48 hour days!  I'll have to keep this fairly short as I've got an absolute ton of stuff to sort through and list on ebay (noodles1609 - check out some bargains!) - it's free listing weekend again so the priority today is to get the priceier stuff sorted and on to avoid the fees, I'll then get the majority of stuff on as and when through turbolister.  Was having a quick look through a bag earlier and laughing my head off at my staple holiday skirt, think I wore it the entire holiday when I met Andrew.  It's HUGE!  In fact, I really must look out a picture I have of me in it, June 2010, then take another one of me in it today - I'll do that, I couldn't believe how big it was!

Steady on noodles, using a lot of exclamation marks there!!  OK, here are the things making me very happy today:

• Ordered a pair of straight leg trousers from Very in a 16 - trousers never fit me cause of my big thighs, so bought them as an incentive - they fit!
• On the back of that, tried on my New Look (remember how small their fit is please hehe) size 16 jeans - they fit!
• So, tried on a size 14 dress I've got for Marrakech - no, it didn't fit - but it didn't fit around the boobs, so they're still fairly sizable then!  Think I can cope being a 12 bottom and a 16 top :)

Right, back to the sorting, ironing, photographing and listing that is ebay.  At least I can get to the post office now that flaming snow has gone - although it was good for toning the thighs :)

Edit - hot off the press - 4 months on VLCD today!  Pics below (if it works!)

 

 

Heck, 14 days of 13 already gone and no updates!

Oops, where does the time go!  I have been more than a little remiss in updating my blog - tsk tsk and a slap on the wrist for noodles.  I've been too busy listing all my too big clothes on ebay to raise some funds to buy more!  Went straight back on plan after my Christmas week off and dropped 8lb, so that's the 6lb gain gone plus a couple more just to keep me motivated.  Last week I polished off another 2 and a half.

All things considered, that's absolutely amazing.  It's been very very tough going since Christmas - life, not the plan - and the old me would have reached straight for the comforts of carbs.  I've still turned to food on some occasions, but kept it to low carb foods, but I don't think my 2013 food plan could be described as vlc!  Still, I'm proud of how far I've come, I'll do what needs to be done for the time being and work to lower the calories down over the coming weeks as things settle down in the rest of my life.  To say it's been stressful would be the biggest understatement ever - and not a malteser in sight!

What is also amazing is the inch loss.  Even with the gain I still lost inches, and I've flipped down a size so my previous smaller sizes are no longer ok but a bit on the big side, I now look like I'm wearing someone elses clothes.  So the ebay listing has started (got another wrist slap for posting that on MM too - but if you've found yourself here, I have the same name on ebay, and have a LOT of clothes to sell through).  I honestly cannot believe how small I'm getting.  I started to buy a few size 12 end of sale bargains for my hols in June and I'm actually starting to think they may be too big by then - and I can't comprehend that!!  Both my SIL and my Mum have commented about how small my frame is, I've always judged my frame by the size of my hands, and granted they've shrunk to some degree (all my rings are massive) but they are still fairly shovel-like.  But even still being in the obese bmi range, my collar bones are rather prominent and I'm not far off a size 14.  I am starting to believe that under this fat suit I've been wearing for such a long time, there is actually a petite woman itching to come out!

And I'm loving peoples reactions - of course the compliments are just brilliant and really make it all worthwhile, but I'm also getting a bit of a kick from the snubs I get by other members of the "fat and proud" club - the yo-yo dieters that happily bask in their own success of a downwards spiral, but can't bear the success of another.  And lets not even go there on those who've had surgical intervention to become a smaller person....

It's all good, I feel amazing, I love being smaller - except for the incredibly cold feet!