Creating headspace to learn from

I had my little break. Still having from the S&S pages. Spent a lot of time thinking things through and wondering why I was so affected by the negatives thoughts and opinions of people that really don't matter to me. I've concluded that its because of the bullying behaviour, took me right back to all those years of putting up and shutting up and not being able to stand up and fight. With hindsight it's easy enough to spot a bully - or perhaps they should be referred to by their new cyber identity of being trolls. Nice when others are looking, but digging away with snidey remarks waiting for an explosive reaction, then going back to their poor me, it's not me it's them sympathy card. Bullies the world over play the same pattern regardless of the media they use. And people like me get sucked in each time, and are far more affected than we should be.

I now intend to look upon those people with a view of sympathy. A view that considers their own low self esteem that can only be increased by making others feel worse than they do about themselves. These are the ones in most need of the support of others I think.  I've had a really hideous week, it's been so bad in all areas because of how I let this affect me, and I'm not prepared to let that happen again just to make someone else feel good.  I have however, been able to conduct an intense experiment into the effects of carbs and stress on my body, I've really taken that to the outer limits and beyond! In the last few days of over eating I've called upon Dr Beck and considered carefully how I feel after eating my foods of choice in the quantities I have chosen. The answer is quite simply - shocking.  I wonder how many times I am going to conduct this particular experiment before I'm convinced of the findings.  Carbs make me feel like garbage. I am lethargic but can't sleep a full night, I have bags under my eyes, my skin is dull, my hair brittle. My knees hurt all the time, so do my wrists, I have trigger finger throughout the day, I have spots and dry patches side by side, my skin itches.  I have painful bloat by the afternoon every day and feel sick when I eat. But worst of all - burning awful painful heartburn, not had that at all since starting S&S. oh, I also have excema back on my hands.  I had none of this with low carbing.

So, what is the way forward? I still want to lose this extra stone, but I think the time is not right for a vlcd right now. I need to know that I can have control with regular food, and I need to stop this emotional cycle of poisoning myself with carb heavy crap. Is important I think to feel substance for now and to get a handle on snacking, so I've bought food I need to cook, proper meals, lower the snacks and work back from there when I am confident I'm under control. If Andrew doesn't get the Russia job, we're going to have a late week in Içmeler at the beginning of October, so my aim is to return to vlcd after that and get this last daft hanging around where it's not wanted stone done and dusted by Christmas.  So, lets get to it, chargrilled veg and hunters chicken on the way :)