Arrrrrggghhhhh!!! My name is Nicola and I'm a carbaholoic. Here's what's left of the evidence:
Firstly, I've not updated this blog for about a month I think, that seems to be point one in my undoing. Then I've got to the point where I'm just 3lb from acheiving something amazing, and as we all know, us fatties are not achievers. Add into that a good dose of pmt, the start of a head cold and you've all the excuses under the sun for "deserving" to be "treated" by having an entire pig out session on carb heavy foods. Here's what I had - all gone, nothing left to evidence! - The other 2 bread rolls with bacon, butter and hp sauce. 2 lemon muffins filled with fresh cream, most of another packet of Thai sweet chilli crisps (yes, I got 2 cause they were on a multibuy offer!!). Here's what happened - awful pmt yesterday, not so much of the agonising pain, but overall yuckiness, coupled with the start of a head cold. It was so hot at work and I just felt icky all day long. And all day long I just wanted some Thai sweet chilli crisps, and failed to notice in any of that, that I was allowing those sabotaging thoughts to take control, and take over all the good habits I've developed over the last 6 months. A good learning point I guess, but that's just an excuse for what I've done (although it is a good learning point!). So, instead of just buying a packet of crisps in a shop I needed to go into to drop some parcels off, I went to Morrisons, cause by then I needed to have a bacon sandwich. And once I was there syrup sponge and custard was just the cure I needed for my sore throat and banging head (I know, paracetemol is far more effective).
So I got home, having had half the packet of crisps in the car on the way. My headache wasn't any better by this point by the way, it clearly wasn't the miracle cure I'd figured it would be. Had one of the muffins, felt sick. Did the bacon sandwiches, more crisps and the other muffin. Felt sicker. Really couldn't face any more of the "cures" and needed to drink plain water. I could hear a tiny voice somewhere in the distance, shouting loudly, but muffled, asking what was I doing? To be honest, I'd been bugged by it all day but I got those crisps to tie it to a chair and gag it, it seemed it had broken free. This morning I have got out of bed, knowing exactly what to do. The good Doctor Beck has spoken to me - I can waste those carbs inside of me, it's my choice, they'll be around longer than just eating them, and will take a while to process through to waste disposal, all the while causing much more damage than just adding the pounds and throwing me out of ketosis, all the time they are giving energy to that rebellious child, and feeding that giving in muscle, making it stronger and stronger. Or I can waste those carbs with the least amount of damage done - by putting them straight into the bin and laughing at my giving in muscle, sitting my rebellious child on the naughty step and taking back control. So here's what I did:
The next stage is confession. Getting it all out into the open, not hiding what I've done. So here I am. I am human, I make mistakes, I have a whole suitcase full of excuses to use, but ultimately I made a choice. And today I'm making another choice. Yesterday I got a pair of size 14 skinny trousers. I've never been skinny anything, my legs have always been rather larger, however big I've been, so trousers have been a thing I don't own many examples of, cause I can never get them to fit. I looked at these trousers and asked myself why on earth I thought a garmet so tiny would actually fit me. They did fit me. I'm returning them cause they are too tight on my legs and I don't like how they look, but I got them on, and did them up. AND, they were actually a little bit big on the waist. So there giving in muscle, I'm NOT letting you get stronger. You've ruled my life for far too long. I'm not that big person anymore. I will get used to being a size 12/14 and I WILL BE STAYING THERE!
12 days to my holiday. 12 days of Beck concentration. 12 days of reminding myself why I'm doing this, what I've achieved and how brilliant that is, how brilliant I am. I've lost nearly 5 stone for heavens sake, I've lost 5 dress sizes - what's not to shout about! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment